the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
