Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize