Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
