Whod you bang
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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