I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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