I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
