I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
