Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
