Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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