This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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