It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
