So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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