i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
