weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter