At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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