Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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