I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
