I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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