Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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