Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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