Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
