i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
