I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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