I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
