Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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