If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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