i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
