I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
