im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
