Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you will always have a special place in my vag
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
