we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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