wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....