9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
should my penis look like a turkey
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
