he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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