Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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