Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

(312): View more from Illinois

Prob not but she was surprised

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(972): View more from Texas

how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"

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(440): View more from Ohio

Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.

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(518): View more from New York

Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?

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(516): View more from New York

She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.

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