1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
