Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

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  (781): Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster. http://tfl.nu/zgi0
  Replies (29) Good night (2238) Bad night (558)
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  (818): View more from California

  my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.

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  (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. http://tfl.nu/vc1t
  Replies (24) Good night (3667) Bad night (548)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare

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  (571): so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare http://tfl.nu/r7bv
  Replies (21) Good night (4210) Bad night (609)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

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  (417): Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional? http://tfl.nu/5yvr
  Replies (7) Good night (1742) Bad night (658)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks

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  (616): The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks http://tfl.nu/03z3
  Replies (28) Good night (3452) Bad night (541)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.

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  (201): halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them. http://tfl.nu/b2tk
  Replies (33) Good night (4666) Bad night (714)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes but- 100% agreed

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  (617): I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick? (1-617): Yes but- 100% agreed http://tfl.nu/cz25
  Replies (29) Good night (3663) Bad night (819)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

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  (917): i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far? http://tfl.nu/ph4e
  Replies (59) Good night (5940) Bad night (1233)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

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  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6314) Bad night (1352)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch

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  (954): my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch http://tfl.nu/nq1q
  Replies (12) Good night (3062) Bad night (1039)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.

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  (403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0g8l
  Replies (45) Good night (969) Bad night (9604)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.

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  (303): Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures. http://tfl.nu/miux
  Replies (7) Good night (488) Bad night (1869)
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  (916): View more from California

  No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.

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  (916): No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace. http://tfl.nu/5hw2
  Replies (12) Good night (991) Bad night (1924)
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  (530): View more from California

  He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.

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  (530): He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET. http://tfl.nu/u2s2
  Replies (2) Good night (1388) Bad night (411)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.

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  (678): I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please. http://tfl.nu/k3b6
  Replies (4) Good night (846) Bad night (497)

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