Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid