i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.