i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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