I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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