So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
