ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
