Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
