worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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