it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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