So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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