Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
