Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
