She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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