I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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