Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
