im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
