Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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