she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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