You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
