Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
