i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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