Acid is not a monday night drug
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
