how can u be prego again
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
