So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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