im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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