i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
