I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
