Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
