I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
