So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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