We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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