When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
