Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
