And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
why is half of my head shaved?
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