Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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