Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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