If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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