My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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