New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
