I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
