He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
