I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
