i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
