omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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