pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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