I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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