Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
