happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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